Dear Anyone,
A lot happened since I last posted. I dropped my external hard drive (2 feet) and it broke (the lil needle part got stuck and kept clicking) so I had to get one Thursday night (surprisingly no traffic and Best Buy wasn't that crowded.) We ordered it online to pick up in store so we would be sure I would have one. It's another 1 TB. I'm going to get the old one fixed this week so I'll have 2TBs AND I'll get all my files and clips back so I can keep making AMVs on YouTube. I needed the new one for Friday because, as you know if you've read my posts before, my best friend was coming over to play Undertale and we recorded it for my YouTube channel. He LOVES it btw.
Uh, what else... I cleaned my room, started watching Asian Dramas again (Love them), Made more AMVs.... I guess that's it. It just seemed like a lot since the hard drive thing stressed me out.
Driver Knowledge test is Dec. 11 so I gotta study for that... Eye Doc appointment on the 2nd so I'll be getting new glasses. My old ones are... well... old and kinda breaking.
That's enough of an update for today.
Until next time,
An Introvert
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
11/25/15
Dear Anyone,
Sleeping method breathing 4-7-8 didn't work because I didn't do it long enough to work. I ended up buying a Zzz Quill type thing and drank that to fall asleep. Woke up around 8:40am, took an hour long survey for $6 then cleaned my room for when my friend comes over on Friday.
Me and my artist friend didn't really talk about the book much but watched videos until we went to m other friend's house instead of my best friend's since it was closer. We all hung out and dissed our exs. Ate a ham dinner for our friend-thanksgiving, then had chocolate pie then her mom took us all home, me being dropped off first cause we live in the same town.
I messaged them "Q-Q I miss you guys already" in a group chat then my other friend siad "Duuuuuuude" and my best friend said "Bruuuuh Don't worry Friday will be hecka" (I think he meant "hella"). Then I immediately started thinking about if they ever talked about me behind my back. I mean I know they do. There's no way they wouldn't. I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm annoying. I don't mean to be but I just can't help it.
When I came home my mood was kinda killed when I said I didn't wanna 'hang out' with my parents and watch SNL they asked if I was tired and I said yeah. Then mom said to go to bed so I can get up in the morning and I said I wasn't going to bed at 9:30. Then my dad said "you can't keep relying on that stuff." (Meaning the Zzz quill) and I hadn't even mentioned it, or touched it. It's non-habit forming.
I don't wanna be like an angsty teenage and say "my parents don't understand me" but they really don't. I recently posted my personality type but if I tried to explain it to them my dad would just laugh and just think it's an excuse to be lazy or something.
Oh, I also found a very relaxing website http://weavesilk.com/ Where I make backgrounds/wallpapers. Here's one I made:
Anyway, enough rambling, I really can't wait for Friday still for just 1-on-1 time with my best friend.
Until then,
An Introvert
Sleeping method breathing 4-7-8 didn't work because I didn't do it long enough to work. I ended up buying a Zzz Quill type thing and drank that to fall asleep. Woke up around 8:40am, took an hour long survey for $6 then cleaned my room for when my friend comes over on Friday.
Me and my artist friend didn't really talk about the book much but watched videos until we went to m other friend's house instead of my best friend's since it was closer. We all hung out and dissed our exs. Ate a ham dinner for our friend-thanksgiving, then had chocolate pie then her mom took us all home, me being dropped off first cause we live in the same town.
I messaged them "Q-Q I miss you guys already" in a group chat then my other friend siad "Duuuuuuude" and my best friend said "Bruuuuh Don't worry Friday will be hecka" (I think he meant "hella"). Then I immediately started thinking about if they ever talked about me behind my back. I mean I know they do. There's no way they wouldn't. I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm annoying. I don't mean to be but I just can't help it.
When I came home my mood was kinda killed when I said I didn't wanna 'hang out' with my parents and watch SNL they asked if I was tired and I said yeah. Then mom said to go to bed so I can get up in the morning and I said I wasn't going to bed at 9:30. Then my dad said "you can't keep relying on that stuff." (Meaning the Zzz quill) and I hadn't even mentioned it, or touched it. It's non-habit forming.
I don't wanna be like an angsty teenage and say "my parents don't understand me" but they really don't. I recently posted my personality type but if I tried to explain it to them my dad would just laugh and just think it's an excuse to be lazy or something.
Oh, I also found a very relaxing website http://weavesilk.com/ Where I make backgrounds/wallpapers. Here's one I made:
Anyway, enough rambling, I really can't wait for Friday still for just 1-on-1 time with my best friend.
Until then,
An Introvert
Monday, November 23, 2015
Short post
Dear Anyone,
So I'm going to try this "4-7-8" breathing method to fall asleep tonight bcause I'm in no way tired even though I only got 5 hours of sleep.
What it is, it you breath in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. It has something to do with forcing your body to slow your heart rate that you have when you're asleep, or close to it. So I'll try that since I'm not getting Z Quill from the store until tomorrow. Can't wait for Wednesday because after four hours at my artist friend's house we're going to my best friends place to hang out with him and another friend of ours for another 4-5 hours. Then I'm going to see my best friend again on Friday so he can play Undertale.
I have these phases of obsessions I go through, I'm currently obsessing over Undertale. If you don't already know what it is, it's an RPG game made by Toby Fox (Music producer who also made Earthbound and the music for Homestuck). It's like the first game you can go through the entire thing without killing ANYTHING which is the pacifist run OR you could kill everything and do a Genocide run. We're doing pacifist. If you haven't already check the game out you REALLY should. It's $9.99 on Steam and if you really don't wanna play it then Game Grumps and Cryaotic have played it. I watched Cry's playthrough which is why I'm not that one who's gunna play it on Friday.
Anyway, since I'm obssessed I made things outta perler beads (The lil tube like beads you put in a pattern then iron them to melt together.) I made a Sans head, Napstablook with his headphones and Flowey. After my friend plays the game I'm gunna ask him which one between Sans and Napstablook that he wants. I also made a mini red gameboy for my artist friend and a large paw print for our other friend cause she's into animals.
So this is a short post cause I'm leaving out a mini rant about my dad but maybe next time.
Until next time,
An Introvert
So I'm going to try this "4-7-8" breathing method to fall asleep tonight bcause I'm in no way tired even though I only got 5 hours of sleep.
What it is, it you breath in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. It has something to do with forcing your body to slow your heart rate that you have when you're asleep, or close to it. So I'll try that since I'm not getting Z Quill from the store until tomorrow. Can't wait for Wednesday because after four hours at my artist friend's house we're going to my best friends place to hang out with him and another friend of ours for another 4-5 hours. Then I'm going to see my best friend again on Friday so he can play Undertale.
I have these phases of obsessions I go through, I'm currently obsessing over Undertale. If you don't already know what it is, it's an RPG game made by Toby Fox (Music producer who also made Earthbound and the music for Homestuck). It's like the first game you can go through the entire thing without killing ANYTHING which is the pacifist run OR you could kill everything and do a Genocide run. We're doing pacifist. If you haven't already check the game out you REALLY should. It's $9.99 on Steam and if you really don't wanna play it then Game Grumps and Cryaotic have played it. I watched Cry's playthrough which is why I'm not that one who's gunna play it on Friday.
Anyway, since I'm obssessed I made things outta perler beads (The lil tube like beads you put in a pattern then iron them to melt together.) I made a Sans head, Napstablook with his headphones and Flowey. After my friend plays the game I'm gunna ask him which one between Sans and Napstablook that he wants. I also made a mini red gameboy for my artist friend and a large paw print for our other friend cause she's into animals.
So this is a short post cause I'm leaving out a mini rant about my dad but maybe next time.
Until next time,
An Introvert
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Seems like it's been a while... sorry...
Dear Anybody,
Haven't posted in a while it seems. Sorry, though I'm sure no one is actually reading this. I realize I'm a very negative person, what can I say, I'm pessimistic.
So I'm going to be hanging out with two of my friends on two different days next week. On Wednesday I'll be hanging out at my artist friend from 12:30-1:00 to around 9:30ish - I forget if I mentioned making a book out of my short stories and having her illustrate them but yeah that's why I'm going there, also to hang out cause I miss my friends but that's the main reason - then my best friend will be coming over that Friday to play Undertale (no idea what time). We're going to record it and put it on my channel. I some how have over 200 subscribers now. It's mostly because of my batman AMVs but some people are actually watching my gaming ones.
I've really wanted to make a game recently. I bought an RPG maker program(RPG Maker 2003) and a character hub for it (one was $19 and the other was $14) and got a free point-and-click game maker too. I'm going to see if my artist friend wants to work on a game together too.
My original plan was to get ALL of my friends in on the idea of making a game - because two are good artists (one of which is going to college for animation, not the one I'm hanging out with Wednesday though) and the other two write stories like I do - but I'm sure they're all very busy with school and such. I'm the only one who's not tied down with college classes or a job and I'm the only one still living at home. Which isn't bad because I don't handle change well anyways.
I've really forgotten exactly what I've written before so I'm sorry if this has repeats from other posts. I recently looked up good jobs for people with anxiety and writer is the number one option. I've also read that my personality type always wants to grow up to be a writer. Anyways, my cousin has written/published books before and told me that if I came up with something she'd be able to help me out. So I think if me and my artist friend can make a book together we can make some money. (I would split the money evenly in half with her of course because I know how much work drawing/art-related-things are. Writing is kinda hard to but it's much easier than art in my opinion.)
I can't for for next week so I can see my friends again. I have to go to the store to get some chocolates for my best friend. College has really been stressing him out. I follow him on twitter and feel so bad that I can't help him out at all. I probably wouldn't be much help anyway but I would still want to help.
I took an open-book test for my photography course and got 34/35 only cause I miss-clicked one of the answers. I have three photos to take for an assignment. One has to capture movement (blurred or not, but showing movement), the second has to have a narrow depth of field focusing on something with a VERY distracting background (Which will be blurred because of the DOF) and the third has to have a very wide DOF and have a "feeling of distance" and be an outdoor photo. I kinda want to wait until there's snow outside for my third photo but I might have to take it before then. I started the course in June and it's an 18 month course so it's only been six months so far but I have 5 other units to complete within a year left. I know I shouldn't slack off with it but I was stuck on aperture and memorizing f - stops.
Here's an attempt at the order without looking: f/2 f/2.8 f/4 f/4.8 f/8 f/11 f/16 f/24 f/32 f/48 f/64
Now here's what it the order actually is: f/1 f/1.4 f/2 f/2.8 f/4 f/5.6 f/8 f/11 f/16 f/22 f/32 f/45 f/64
So I missed 5 out of 13 and made up 3.
I plan on posting the photos once I take them and after I submit them. Once I do I'll be assigned a teacher and they'll send me comments on the photos.
I've been trying to write a book recently but I think I could make it into a better game than a book. Maybe I could do both. Tell the story within the game... wouldn't be able to use as much detail as in a book but I could try. It's not only the fact that I need some sort of income but I really want to make things that people will enjoy. I mean it's really kinda selfish cause I've always wanted to be recognizable and memorable like how people know about certain Youtubers or bloggers. I mean one of my unreachable dreams is to be likable enough that someone makes fanart for/of me for one of the games I play or something... It sounds really stupid but I just don't want to fade into the mundane background of life and be forgotten.
Anyways, that's enough pointless rambling for one night,
Until next time,
An Introvert
Haven't posted in a while it seems. Sorry, though I'm sure no one is actually reading this. I realize I'm a very negative person, what can I say, I'm pessimistic.
So I'm going to be hanging out with two of my friends on two different days next week. On Wednesday I'll be hanging out at my artist friend from 12:30-1:00 to around 9:30ish - I forget if I mentioned making a book out of my short stories and having her illustrate them but yeah that's why I'm going there, also to hang out cause I miss my friends but that's the main reason - then my best friend will be coming over that Friday to play Undertale (no idea what time). We're going to record it and put it on my channel. I some how have over 200 subscribers now. It's mostly because of my batman AMVs but some people are actually watching my gaming ones.
I've really wanted to make a game recently. I bought an RPG maker program(RPG Maker 2003) and a character hub for it (one was $19 and the other was $14) and got a free point-and-click game maker too. I'm going to see if my artist friend wants to work on a game together too.
My original plan was to get ALL of my friends in on the idea of making a game - because two are good artists (one of which is going to college for animation, not the one I'm hanging out with Wednesday though) and the other two write stories like I do - but I'm sure they're all very busy with school and such. I'm the only one who's not tied down with college classes or a job and I'm the only one still living at home. Which isn't bad because I don't handle change well anyways.
I've really forgotten exactly what I've written before so I'm sorry if this has repeats from other posts. I recently looked up good jobs for people with anxiety and writer is the number one option. I've also read that my personality type always wants to grow up to be a writer. Anyways, my cousin has written/published books before and told me that if I came up with something she'd be able to help me out. So I think if me and my artist friend can make a book together we can make some money. (I would split the money evenly in half with her of course because I know how much work drawing/art-related-things are. Writing is kinda hard to but it's much easier than art in my opinion.)
I can't for for next week so I can see my friends again. I have to go to the store to get some chocolates for my best friend. College has really been stressing him out. I follow him on twitter and feel so bad that I can't help him out at all. I probably wouldn't be much help anyway but I would still want to help.
I took an open-book test for my photography course and got 34/35 only cause I miss-clicked one of the answers. I have three photos to take for an assignment. One has to capture movement (blurred or not, but showing movement), the second has to have a narrow depth of field focusing on something with a VERY distracting background (Which will be blurred because of the DOF) and the third has to have a very wide DOF and have a "feeling of distance" and be an outdoor photo. I kinda want to wait until there's snow outside for my third photo but I might have to take it before then. I started the course in June and it's an 18 month course so it's only been six months so far but I have 5 other units to complete within a year left. I know I shouldn't slack off with it but I was stuck on aperture and memorizing f - stops.
Here's an attempt at the order without looking: f/2 f/2.8 f/4 f/4.8 f/8 f/11 f/16 f/24 f/32 f/48 f/64
Now here's what it the order actually is: f/1 f/1.4 f/2 f/2.8 f/4 f/5.6 f/8 f/11 f/16 f/22 f/32 f/45 f/64
So I missed 5 out of 13 and made up 3.
I plan on posting the photos once I take them and after I submit them. Once I do I'll be assigned a teacher and they'll send me comments on the photos.
I've been trying to write a book recently but I think I could make it into a better game than a book. Maybe I could do both. Tell the story within the game... wouldn't be able to use as much detail as in a book but I could try. It's not only the fact that I need some sort of income but I really want to make things that people will enjoy. I mean it's really kinda selfish cause I've always wanted to be recognizable and memorable like how people know about certain Youtubers or bloggers. I mean one of my unreachable dreams is to be likable enough that someone makes fanart for/of me for one of the games I play or something... It sounds really stupid but I just don't want to fade into the mundane background of life and be forgotten.
Anyways, that's enough pointless rambling for one night,
Until next time,
An Introvert
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Personality Test - INFP (Mediator)
Dear Anybody,
Writing this a little earlier than normal. I took a personality test today on this site: http://www.16personalities.com and got INFP. (See pic below) The site gave me all this info on what they've observed people with this personality type to be like in relation to relationships(Friendship and Romantic), parenting, workplace habits and careers. It's kinda scary how accurate it is. I recommend taking the test. It's free and it takes only a few minutes. It's one of those rate how accurate this is with agree on one end and disagree on the other; very simple.
It tells you your strengths and weaknesses. Mine for example are the following.
Strengths: Idealistic, Seek value and Harmony, Open-minded and flexible, Very creative, Passionate and Energetic and Dedicated and Hard-working.
Weaknesses: Too Idealistic, Too Altruistic, Impractical, Dislike Dealing With Data, Take Things Personally and Difficult to Get to Know.
I can honestly say this is 100% accurate for me.
If you wanna see the entire profile for this personality type here's the link: http://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality but I suggest you take the test yourself to see which one you'll get. Read all the info and if you want there's a "Preminum Profile" (costs money obviously) "In [their] premium Mediator profile you will discover a road map to help you understand why and how to get where you want to go."
Now since I don't have money, and don't really want to read all that anyways, I didn't get it but it's like $32 something anyways so I personally wouldn't get it even if I had the money. Just reading what info they provided for free is enough to help me.
And no they're not paying me to post this or anything I'm just making a post out of it.
Anyways, that's enough for now.
Until next time,
An Introvert.
Writing this a little earlier than normal. I took a personality test today on this site: http://www.16personalities.com and got INFP. (See pic below) The site gave me all this info on what they've observed people with this personality type to be like in relation to relationships(Friendship and Romantic), parenting, workplace habits and careers. It's kinda scary how accurate it is. I recommend taking the test. It's free and it takes only a few minutes. It's one of those rate how accurate this is with agree on one end and disagree on the other; very simple.
Strengths: Idealistic, Seek value and Harmony, Open-minded and flexible, Very creative, Passionate and Energetic and Dedicated and Hard-working.
Weaknesses: Too Idealistic, Too Altruistic, Impractical, Dislike Dealing With Data, Take Things Personally and Difficult to Get to Know.
I can honestly say this is 100% accurate for me.
If you wanna see the entire profile for this personality type here's the link: http://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality but I suggest you take the test yourself to see which one you'll get. Read all the info and if you want there's a "Preminum Profile" (costs money obviously) "In [their] premium Mediator profile you will discover a road map to help you understand why and how to get where you want to go."
Now since I don't have money, and don't really want to read all that anyways, I didn't get it but it's like $32 something anyways so I personally wouldn't get it even if I had the money. Just reading what info they provided for free is enough to help me.
And no they're not paying me to post this or anything I'm just making a post out of it.
Anyways, that's enough for now.
Until next time,
An Introvert.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Second post (11/14/15)
Dear Anybody,
I know I'm kinda a day late in a post but only because it's 2am so it's technically still yesterday for me in a way. ANYWAYS....
So I started posting my poems on Wattpad, I've been working on a few original things. One of my friends who a really good artist is going to work with me on making one of my short stories into a picture book.
I should really catch up on my photography course but I just don't have the motivation to. Mom's pressuring me to study for my permit test as if she thinks I'm too dumb to be able to pass it. I know I need to study but she doesn't have to say it a million times. I understand that she wants me to pass but she makes me feel like she thinks I can't do it and that I need the extra studying, that I'm dumb, I'm not enough and I hate it because I relate to her the most. She's one of the only people who really understands how I am. Maybe not the to extent of the depression (I have told her but she brushed it off, I'm assuming she doesn't want to accept the fact that there's something wrong with me or that it might somehow be her fault).
If I want to get technical and psychological it is her fault. The way she raised me caused be to be this way. When a child is still developing mentally there's two ways it can go.
I'm going to use the example of tying shoes. (You could also use the example of putting on clothes or something similar) If a parent ties their child's shoes over and over and never lets them try themselves, the child will become dependent. If the parent let the child try until they succeed the child will become more independent.
My mom is the kinda mom who wants to baby the child because they're afraid the child is going to get hurt or something's going to happen. I see it when my little cousins come over, she puts their shoes on them when they're old enough to put them on themselves.
I can say without a doubt I am a dependent person. I find it very difficult to be independent. (Hence the social anxiety and such).
I can't wait for Black Friday, not because of any sales or anything I don't have the money to buy anything anyways but, because my best friend is coming home from college and he's coming over to play Undertale. (We're going to record it as a Full Play and post it on my YouTube channel).
So onto the topic of my best friend. I won't put his name here or anything but we met Sophomore year, became close in Junior year and even closer Senior year. We both love RoosterTeeth/ Achievement Hunter/RWBY. We like the same music, TV shows, etc.
When it comes to him I always feel like I like him more than he likes me. I think of him as my BEST friend (my other best friend being someone I've known since 1st grade) I think of him as a brother. I, in the platonic way, love the guy. But he talks on Twitter or over chat about other people being his 'best friend ever' and I just feel hurt. I know he has other friends besides me (and I'm not saying he can't like anyone but me) and even more now since he's in college. But I don't think of anyone else as my BEST(est) friend ever...
Thinking about it only makes me sad but I know that the day someone only likes me as their best friend is the day pig's fly.
I've been trying to Lucid Dream again lately. I feel that if I can do that I can be happier. I'll be able to create a happy, joyful experience and wake up happy with enough happiness to make it through the day and actually do something productive.
Anyway that's enough rambling for one night.
Until next time,
An Introvert
I know I'm kinda a day late in a post but only because it's 2am so it's technically still yesterday for me in a way. ANYWAYS....
So I started posting my poems on Wattpad, I've been working on a few original things. One of my friends who a really good artist is going to work with me on making one of my short stories into a picture book.
I should really catch up on my photography course but I just don't have the motivation to. Mom's pressuring me to study for my permit test as if she thinks I'm too dumb to be able to pass it. I know I need to study but she doesn't have to say it a million times. I understand that she wants me to pass but she makes me feel like she thinks I can't do it and that I need the extra studying, that I'm dumb, I'm not enough and I hate it because I relate to her the most. She's one of the only people who really understands how I am. Maybe not the to extent of the depression (I have told her but she brushed it off, I'm assuming she doesn't want to accept the fact that there's something wrong with me or that it might somehow be her fault).
If I want to get technical and psychological it is her fault. The way she raised me caused be to be this way. When a child is still developing mentally there's two ways it can go.
I'm going to use the example of tying shoes. (You could also use the example of putting on clothes or something similar) If a parent ties their child's shoes over and over and never lets them try themselves, the child will become dependent. If the parent let the child try until they succeed the child will become more independent.
My mom is the kinda mom who wants to baby the child because they're afraid the child is going to get hurt or something's going to happen. I see it when my little cousins come over, she puts their shoes on them when they're old enough to put them on themselves.
I can say without a doubt I am a dependent person. I find it very difficult to be independent. (Hence the social anxiety and such).
I can't wait for Black Friday, not because of any sales or anything I don't have the money to buy anything anyways but, because my best friend is coming home from college and he's coming over to play Undertale. (We're going to record it as a Full Play and post it on my YouTube channel).
So onto the topic of my best friend. I won't put his name here or anything but we met Sophomore year, became close in Junior year and even closer Senior year. We both love RoosterTeeth/ Achievement Hunter/RWBY. We like the same music, TV shows, etc.
When it comes to him I always feel like I like him more than he likes me. I think of him as my BEST friend (my other best friend being someone I've known since 1st grade) I think of him as a brother. I, in the platonic way, love the guy. But he talks on Twitter or over chat about other people being his 'best friend ever' and I just feel hurt. I know he has other friends besides me (and I'm not saying he can't like anyone but me) and even more now since he's in college. But I don't think of anyone else as my BEST(est) friend ever...
Thinking about it only makes me sad but I know that the day someone only likes me as their best friend is the day pig's fly.
I've been trying to Lucid Dream again lately. I feel that if I can do that I can be happier. I'll be able to create a happy, joyful experience and wake up happy with enough happiness to make it through the day and actually do something productive.
Anyway that's enough rambling for one night.
Until next time,
An Introvert
Thursday, November 12, 2015
First post (11/12/15)
Dear, Anybody
As the title of this blog suggests: I am an introvert. I have social anxiety and (I haven't been diagnosed with it because I never bring it up to my doctor but) I suffer from depression. This makes it hard to do everyday things. I recently graduated from high school (June '15) and I still haven't gotten a job or my driver's license, much to the disappointment to my parents. They don't seem to understand that I have problems talking to people and that I'm terrified of driving. But I am scheduled to take my permit test this December (either the 11th or the 12th).
I've been looking into different jobs I could do too. Mostly by google searching "Good jobs for people with anxiety." The number one answer is Writer. Which kind of works out but also doesn't. I already write Fanfiction and a few original works and I'm a very creative person but I never have the motivation to write an actual book. If I could write enough poems maybe I could do something with that but I get so unmotivated after a while.
I'm also taking a course on photography which is another job that doesn't really require a lot of talking if you're a nature photographer which is what I want to be. I don't want to deal with people.
Maybe one I get my permit, and practice driving with my mom, I'll feel better with driving and maybe I could get a babysitter/nanny job. I've seen a few on the snag a job app but since I can't drive I never applied.
I recently saw an old classmate of mine working at the local supermarket while I was walking with my mother. I immediately felt like a failure. There I was walking with my mother at the store, no job, no license, no boyfriend (yeah surprise surprise I'm single.) I'm going no where in life.
There's also the problem of not really doing much activity as an introvert which makes it hard to lose weight. I already lost about 23lbs over about a year but I'm sure I've gained almost half of it back by now. It doesn't help that my (also over weight) dad keeps buying junk food. I used to play the wii dance thing and that helped me lose weight but I just feel so fat when the floor shakes. I'm not even THAT over weight. I have a skinny waist but my thighs are huge.
I tried yoga for a bit but I have no motivation. You could say motivation is that I'll lose weight and feel better about myself but I just have no energy either way. I'm terrified to get on the scale ever since I gained 5lbs back. Another cause of the weight loss was that I was barely eating one week (I slept most of the day and cried every night). It was a tough week with no real reason for being that way.
I have a YouTube channel on which I post gaming videos(no facecam) and AMVs (Animated Music Videos not Anime Music Videos) with Batman video game clips and Nightcore songs. Nightcore is much easier to work with because it makes the song shorter.
That's enough rambling. I kinda like the idea of this being formatted in a letter... makes me feel like this is actually going to be read. Well, I'm going to attempt to write more of some of my original stories.
Until Tomorrow
-An Introvert
As the title of this blog suggests: I am an introvert. I have social anxiety and (I haven't been diagnosed with it because I never bring it up to my doctor but) I suffer from depression. This makes it hard to do everyday things. I recently graduated from high school (June '15) and I still haven't gotten a job or my driver's license, much to the disappointment to my parents. They don't seem to understand that I have problems talking to people and that I'm terrified of driving. But I am scheduled to take my permit test this December (either the 11th or the 12th).
I've been looking into different jobs I could do too. Mostly by google searching "Good jobs for people with anxiety." The number one answer is Writer. Which kind of works out but also doesn't. I already write Fanfiction and a few original works and I'm a very creative person but I never have the motivation to write an actual book. If I could write enough poems maybe I could do something with that but I get so unmotivated after a while.
I'm also taking a course on photography which is another job that doesn't really require a lot of talking if you're a nature photographer which is what I want to be. I don't want to deal with people.
Maybe one I get my permit, and practice driving with my mom, I'll feel better with driving and maybe I could get a babysitter/nanny job. I've seen a few on the snag a job app but since I can't drive I never applied.
I recently saw an old classmate of mine working at the local supermarket while I was walking with my mother. I immediately felt like a failure. There I was walking with my mother at the store, no job, no license, no boyfriend (yeah surprise surprise I'm single.) I'm going no where in life.
There's also the problem of not really doing much activity as an introvert which makes it hard to lose weight. I already lost about 23lbs over about a year but I'm sure I've gained almost half of it back by now. It doesn't help that my (also over weight) dad keeps buying junk food. I used to play the wii dance thing and that helped me lose weight but I just feel so fat when the floor shakes. I'm not even THAT over weight. I have a skinny waist but my thighs are huge.
I tried yoga for a bit but I have no motivation. You could say motivation is that I'll lose weight and feel better about myself but I just have no energy either way. I'm terrified to get on the scale ever since I gained 5lbs back. Another cause of the weight loss was that I was barely eating one week (I slept most of the day and cried every night). It was a tough week with no real reason for being that way.
I have a YouTube channel on which I post gaming videos(no facecam) and AMVs (Animated Music Videos not Anime Music Videos) with Batman video game clips and Nightcore songs. Nightcore is much easier to work with because it makes the song shorter.
That's enough rambling. I kinda like the idea of this being formatted in a letter... makes me feel like this is actually going to be read. Well, I'm going to attempt to write more of some of my original stories.
Until Tomorrow
-An Introvert
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